Category: Substance Abuse

Story of Survivorhood #3

Trigger warning: Sexual Assault, Rape, Drugged, Attempted Suicide, Substance Abuse

It happened four years ago on a night in December.  I met a cool couple while I was working one day; good looking, friendly,  lots of money. On the outside they seemed like great people, the kind of people think you can trust. Which is a terrible stigma. They told me they felt terrible they didn’t have more cash on them to tip me, I had told them about the pub  I was going that night and they informed they just happened to be going there too and would love to buy me drinks to make up for the lack of a tip. I told them it was fine and not to worry about it. I get to the bar and there they are, super friendly and happy to see me. The drinks just didn’t stop and all I could think was how nice this couple was. The bar closes and they invite me back to their hotel for more drinks, still suspecting nothing. I’m pretty drunk at this point, in the nicest hotel room I’ve ever been in having an awesome time. Out of nowhere I start to feel incredibly tired and uneasy on my feet. I tell them I need to sit down and I lay down on the bed. I start to feel more and more out of it to the point where I can no longer speak or move but I’m still conscious. My clothes begin to come off and I realize I’m being kissed on my neck. From there, I was raped. I knew I didn’t want it happening but I no longer had control over my body, I tried to just shut my eyes and go somewhere else in my head. I still don’t know how long it went on for, I finally pushed myself off of the bed and started crying. They tried to comfort me and ask if I was ok, I manage to pull myself up onto my feet and I got out of that hotel. I was sick the entire next day. It changed me forever, I began drinking heavily on a daily basis and never let myself get close to anyone. It ruined my relationship with my parents, I lost friendships, almost lost my job and recently lost the girl I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I questioned my sexuality at times, I blamed myself for the incident, I shut down completely with people. After my girlfriend left me when she thought I was cheating on her, I hit rock bottom, I stopped eating and sleeping; I no longer felt my life was worth living. about a month after this  I finally broke down and told someone what had happened to me. Talking about it was more traumatic to me than the event itself, reliving it without drugs or alcohol in me was torture, but it helped me let go of my anger, it helped me stop blaming myself. I’ve stopped drinking and smoking pot, I see a therapist and go to meetings with other sexual assault victims. Things are slowly getting better and they never would have if I didn’t tell someone